Slight Breakdown

It's official, I started to have a mental breakdown tonight while trying to pack for tomorrow.  I had my detailed list (thankfully!) but as expected, I struggled trying to put everything together.  I wasn't sure how I wanted things laid out in my suitcase and the pile of stuff I needed kept growing and growing.  At one point, I wasn't sure that I was going to have enough room in one suitcase for everything I needed but I wasn't going to be able to carry another bag.  After finally putting everything together, I moved onto the bike and getting that set up to put in the box.  I struggled in getting the air out of the tires and I couldn't get the pedals off, despite how hard I tried.  It seemed like no matter what I did, I wasn't doing it right.  I just felt so out of sync.

In the midst of going slightly crazy, my best friend Steve called - he's always had a way of calling exactly when I need him.  We talked about how I was packing and going crazy and all of a sudden, I started crying.  I couldn't hold myself together.  I tried to keep on my strong face but after a while, I caved.  For the first time in a while, I admitted that I was nervous and scared for this weekend.  I'm scared that I'm not ready, that I'm going to forget something, that my knee is going to hurt too bad and I'm not going to be able to finish.  The only thing worse than feeling like I'm not going to finish is feeling like I'm going to be the last one to finish and that worried me, despite how much mom and I have joked about that over the last few months.  I'm nervous that I'm going to let my mom down somehow, which I know is completely irrational.  I've been trying to hard to keep a positive outlook and avoid thinking about my fears, partially because I didn't want to freak my mom out more, knowing that she was getting nervous too.  I hadn't wanted to dwell on my nervousness but it quickly caught up to me tonight.  After my crying and venting session with Steve, I decided it was time to call it a night.  I knew that I was working myself up in my head and the best thing for me to do was to sleep it off and start fresh tomorrow.  Nothing I can do right now to prepare myself for this weekend except be well rested and have a positive attitude!